A Letter to the One Who Keeps Everyone Happy…Dear People Pleaser

I see you.

You try so hard to do the right thing. To be the reliable one. The understanding one. The nice one.

Trying to keep the peace even when there’s a storm brewing in your chest.  I see you nodding politely when someone crosses your boundary, telling yourself it’s “not worth the fuss” and “don’t say anything”

I see you say “yes” when every cell in your body wants to scream “no.” because it’s too much, you’re too tired or you’ve already got plans.

You’ve been taught, maybe subtly, maybe loudly, that being liked is safer than speaking up. That love is earned and that conflict is scary or dangerous. You probably think that what you need (and you probably don’t even know what that need is)… can wait.

But…

It’s not selfish to have needs.

Yes, you heard right…let me say that again “You are not selfish.” Or difficult. Or high-maintenance.  What you are is human and humans have needs, limits, preferences, opinions and pain points.

Did you even know that Saying “no” doesn’t make you mean and that having a different opinion to others doesn’t make you disloyal.  Did you realise that taking up space doesn’t make you “too much.”

What it doesn’t mean is that you’re beginning to include yourself in the care you need and so freely give to others.

You are allowed to:

• Rest without guilt

• Speak up without apology

• Prioritise your peace or other need without explaining it to everyone

• To be loved for who you are, not just what you offer and give to others

Every time you honour your truth no matter how small the act you’re rewriting an old script. One that said you had to earn your place by being pleasing.

⸻

A Gentle Journal Prompt

Try

exploring this in your journal…

“Where in my life am I abandoning myself to avoid disappointing others?”

And then ask…

“What would I do differently if I trusted that my needs matter too?”

_____

If this letter speaks to you, know that you don’t have to figure it all out on your own.

In my online counselling sessions for people-pleasers and those struggling with self-esteem, we gently untangle the habits of overgiving, self-doubt, and perfectionism, at a pace that feels safe and doable.

If you’re looking for compassionate counselling in the UK to stop people-pleasing and start self-honouring, I’d love to walk alongside you.

You deserve to feel seen. Not just useful.

You deserve to feel loved. Not just liked.

You don’t have to struggle alone!

🖤

With warmth,

Jules